News wire...Phoenix Arizona.....

Varvel Inc. heads into the holidays in state of chaotic bliss:
With out a doubt Varvel Inc, owned and operated by Scott and Amber Varvel, is headed for the end of 2008 in a state chaotic bliss. This ever evolving group of six has made huge profits by making a bundle of great memories and they are working hard, with the help of therapy and hypnosis, to forget the bad ones. A Spokesman for this Phoenix based organization says that “when we are not bickering or plotting to strangle one another, we are just happy to be together and that is what family is all about”.

In an interview with Chloe Mae Varvel, the newest member of the family at 18 months old, she was quoted as saying "pa ta gri pi ba ba shlube honk honk lis baba lu bi gr gr blick." An unidentified member of the family translated this as “My Dad is a stud and very handsome and capable” Other members of the group contend it is just baby gibberish. Chloe has progressed this past year from harmless and immobile to walking, falling, opening, tipping, breaking, scratching, spilling, splashing and dabbles in graffiti art. She is known for her natural curls and wild yet entertaining bouncy run-jog-gallop. She recently pierced her bottom lip with her teeth by falling on the bleachers at her brother’s baseball game. What she lacks in tact and grace she makes up for in personality and beauty and is an obvious asset to this organization.

Sources close to this group say it is clear that most of the energy generated by the company can be attributed to Nathan Graham Varvel. He is truly the hamster in the wheel and his energy is contagious. It has been confirmed he is revered and respected for his constant and unrelenting search for trouble or for what ever can cause his Mom to yell his first and middle name. His first year in school has gone very well as he is loved by his teacher and classmates. He spends all his spare time barefoot and in shorts openly ignoring any company dress codes. He excels at video games; riding scooters, wrestling with siblings and he even played soccer this year. He is now 5 years old and when asked what he hoped to accomplish in the coming year he said “turn six”.

Though there is some dispute as to who is really in charge of this group, Brooklyn Marie Varvel seemed to give the most instructions, advice and reprimands in the past year. Her take charge attitude is mostly a good thing and she is a big help to her superiors in the day to day operations. With the addition of her subordinate (little sister), Brooklyn has developed a soft and nurturing side that is a joy to witness. Though still somewhat conservative by nature, she has begun to show signs of being more outgoing and brave in the public arena as well as in her willingness to try new things. She is a strong and experienced debater but says she has no plans to run for public office unless the president of Hannah Montana’s fan club is considered as such. At nine years old she is an excellent reader and piano player and loves movies, friends, bike riding and web-kins.

Known by management as the gentle giant, Clayton Andrew Varvel continues to set and reach lofty goals. He is a great example to the team members. With a recently acquired black belt in Karate he handles all the security issues that face an organization of this kind. His quick stint with the A’s baseball team this year was a first for this young man and along with his scouting activities, piano practice and school work he has been as busy as any member of the family. He thrives in social settings and continues to perform near the top of his class. Our sources confirm he is also an excellent distance runner, and bike rider and loves to be outdoors or learning about science and nature. He will turn eleven in a month and when asked what he hopes to accomplish next year he said “not to take life so serious”.

When asked to describe her role in the organization Amber Varvel said “I am like an angelic chorister patiently and expertly trying to lead an orchestra of inexperienced demon musicians.” Though this description may not be completely accurate, she is truly the chorister of this group and they would not make any music without her. We have received detailed information that her daily therapy routine involves one to two hours of rigorous exercise. She continues to set the fitness and nutrition standard for the family and has begun making her own bread, canning her own meet and is always trying new recipes. She is active in her Church assignments and in her spare time loves to be on the lake with her family or at the mall without her family. Her future plans include a 180 mile relay race in the spring with 11 other team members where she will run a total of 17 miles.

Scott continues to peddle green pebbly widgets. Economy conditions have put considerable strain on his division though he says the long term outlook looks favorable. Real Estate has also been very slow this year and his team was only able to turn one house. When he is not stocking the basement with food and guns he is reading books about the great depression and the destruction of the constitution. Team members say he is a true optimist! He is in survival mode and is always looking for ways to cut company expenses though his partner (wife) says firing a member of the family is not an option. Often you can find him with a glazed look on his face day dreaming about new wake boats and long summer days on Lake Powell.

Top stories: Grammy’s battle with breast cancer is almost half over. She will have completed all her Chemo-therapy treatments by Christmas and then will undergo radiation. It has been a difficult road but she has been brave and we are all proud of her strength.
Jon, Amber’s brother, is engaged to me married to his fiancée Tiffany in February in Florida.
Kim, Scott’s sister is engaged to Shawn and they plan to be married after the first of the year.

Author Scott Varvel
Editor Amber Varvel
Contributing editors
Clayton
Brooklyn
Nathan
Chloe

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The Varvels